Santa Ynez Valley: Tourists Beware!

I grew up in the Santa Ynez Valley where not much is going on besides the fermenting of grapes..so naturally this is the sort of shit that makes it into the local paper. These were under my personal favorite section, Police Reports:

"Annoying phone call — The female accounting manager of a Santa Ynez ranch reported an annoying phone call from a male caller to the answering machine of her boss, the ranch’s owner. According to the report, the unknown caller was described as an older male. The message was in a “sarcastic” voice, she said..The case is suspended pending leads."


On a different occasion... "The passengers said no one in the vehicle had been drinking alcohol. A small wood smoking pot was found under the rear seat with marijuana residue."

what, pray tell, is a small wood smoking pot?

Best Seat in the House...

Last week as I was strolling around campus I stumbled upon a cozy little study room upstairs from my favorite coffee stop. Daily Bruin in hand, I thought I would have a sit and kill 20 minutes before my next class. Unfortunately, there was no room in sight!...Every seat taken? I used my ultra-keen vision to spot a single vacant little nook in a corner. As I sped towards the table, I saw and heard what was keeping the spot open:
Her snores could be heard at the farthest corner of the room...I might have had a noisy neighbor, but SCORE! Check out that picture...

When I was about ten years old, an atrocious and all-too-country distant relative of mine who was (and for all I know still is) an active participant in the sport of taking away lives of helpless and beautiful animals, shot his hand off while he was cleaning his gun. I could not have been more thrilled. Even in my youthful state I knew that by some sort of divine intervention justice had been served. I would often imitate him, crippling my hand up and running around the house chasing after a sibling.

Here he is serving up some critters...note the deformation of the left appendage.

It pains me that any one person can take joy in the destruction of innocent lives... In order to counter a little bit of this evil in the world, I like to ask friends and family to donate money to my favorite organization: The Santa Barbara Pug Rescue . Help those that can't help themselves!